- ELAINE: "Why don't you quit watching?"
- JERRY: "I don't know, I'm obsessed with it! It's like when you see a spider in the toilet struggling for survival. And even though you know he's not going to make it, you kind of root for him for a minute."
- ELAINE: "Then you flush."
- JERRY: "...well it's a spider."
— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Hot Tub)
— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Parking Garage)
— Jerry Seinfeld (to George Costanza)
- MARLENE: "Well, I guess things changed for me on Tuesday night."
- JERRY: "Tuesday night, what happened Tuesday night?"
- MARLENE: "I saw your act. To be honest, it just didn't make it for me. It was just so much fluff."
- JERRY: "So what are you saying, you didn't like my act so that's it?"
- MARLENE: "I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do."
- JERRY: "You're a cashier!"
- KRAMER: "I don't understand people. I mean, why would George want to deprive you of pleasure? Is it just me?"
- JERRY: "It's partially you, yeah."
- GEORGE: There's got to be houses for rent in Tuscany. Do you know how big Tuscany is?
- JERRY: I have no idea.
- GEORGE: It it's huge. It's probably like North Dakota.
- JERRY: Oh, no way it's that big.
- GEORGE: It's a big region.
- JERRY: Do you know how big North Dakota is stupid?
- GEORGE: I don't know why I bother even talking to you.
- JERRY: Hey, no one's got a gun to your head.
— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Mom and Pop Store)
— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Label Maker)
- Jerry: "What do you want?"
- Newman: "Nothing, just being neighborly. Do you wanna hang out? Shoot the breeze?"
- Jerry: "I'm not letting you cheat, Newman. You're not getting anywhere near that board."
- Newman: " Jerry, I'm a little insulted."
- Jerry: "You're not a little anything, Newman."