Chat
October 23, 2012
6 notes

Spiders in the Toilet

  • ELAINE: "Why don't you quit watching?"
  • JERRY: "I don't know, I'm obsessed with it! It's like when you see a spider in the toilet struggling for survival. And even though you know he's not going to make it, you kind of root for him for a minute."
  • ELAINE: "Then you flush."
  • JERRY: "...well it's a spider."

Tags: Seinfeld quotes Elaine Benes Jerry Seinfeld

Quote
August 05, 2012
2 notes
"I’m not taking a soak in that human bacteria frappe you’ve got going in there."

— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Hot Tub)

Tags: Jerry Seinfeld Quotes The Hot Tub

Quote
June 17, 2012
4 notes
"You know I’ve been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. He and his friends are probably peeing all over the place."

— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Parking Garage)

Tags: Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld quotes

Quote
May 12, 2012
2 notes
"I’m not going along. I can see you in Berlin in 1939, goose stepping past me. Come on, Jerry. Go along, go along…"

— Jerry Seinfeld (to George Costanza)

Tags: Seinfeld quotes Jerry Seinfeld George Costanza

Chat
May 05, 2012
9 notes

I Saw Your Act

  • MARLENE: "Well, I guess things changed for me on Tuesday night."
  • JERRY: "Tuesday night, what happened Tuesday night?"
  • MARLENE: "I saw your act. To be honest, it just didn't make it for me. It was just so much fluff."
  • JERRY: "So what are you saying, you didn't like my act so that's it?"
  • MARLENE: "I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do."
  • JERRY: "You're a cashier!"

Tags: Seinfeld quotes Jerry Seinfeld

Chat
May 05, 2012
4 notes

People

  • KRAMER: "I don't understand people. I mean, why would George want to deprive you of pleasure? Is it just me?"
  • JERRY: "It's partially you, yeah."

Tags: Seinfeld quotes Jerry Seinfeld Kramer

Chat
April 08, 2012
4 notes

Like North Dakota

  • GEORGE: There's got to be houses for rent in Tuscany. Do you know how big Tuscany is?
  • JERRY: I have no idea.
  • GEORGE: It it's huge. It's probably like North Dakota.
  • JERRY: Oh, no way it's that big.
  • GEORGE: It's a big region.
  • JERRY: Do you know how big North Dakota is stupid?
  • GEORGE: I don't know why I bother even talking to you.
  • JERRY: Hey, no one's got a gun to your head.

Tags: Seinfeld The Maestro George Costanza Jerry Seinfeld

Quote
April 03, 2012
6 notes
"I’m sure Jon Voight just misspelled his own name. I know sometimes I spell Jerry with a G…and an I!"

— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Mom and Pop Store)

Tags: Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld

Quote
February 02, 2012
3 notes
"You go out with a guy one time, you ask him to go upstairs like you’re Mae West? Of course he’s going to try to get you alone for the weekend!"

— Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Label Maker)

Tags: Jerry Seinfeld Seinfeld

Chat
February 02, 2012
5 notes

You're Not a Little Anything

  • Jerry: "What do you want?"
  • Newman: "Nothing, just being neighborly. Do you wanna hang out? Shoot the breeze?"
  • Jerry: "I'm not letting you cheat, Newman. You're not getting anywhere near that board."
  • Newman: " Jerry, I'm a little insulted."
  • Jerry: "You're not a little anything, Newman."

Tags: Seinfeld Newman Jerry Seinfeld