The Prince of Darkness
JERRY: "What do you care, you don't believe in hell."
ELAINE: "I know, but he does."
JERRY: "So it's more a relationship problem than a final destination of your soul issue?"
ELAINE: "Well, relationships are very important to me."
JERRY: "Hmm. Maybe you can strike one up with the Prince of Darkness as you burn for all eternity."
KRAMER: "Well, I got gonorrhea.'
ELAINE: "That sounds about right."
KRAMER: "THAT'S what they gave me!"
GEORGE: "They? ...the government?"
Since the Last One
ELAINE: "How long have you two been together?"
JERRY: "I don't know. Since the last one."
JERRY: "You ripped off a Ziggy?"
ELAINE: "It must have seeped into my subconscious. Puddy has Ziggy bedsheets."
The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it’s for...– Elaine (Seinfeld - The Apology)
GEORGE: "Birthday's a bad day. Everyone's in your house, you're thinking *these* are my friends...?"
JERRY: "Every day is my birthday."
Perhaps he thinks that you’re working him for the discount. Shaking that...– Kramer (Seinfeld - The Wig Master)
I’m telling you right now, that guy’s going to dangle that dress in...– Jerry (Seinfeld - The Wig Master)
Well, Babe Ruth Did It
KRAMER: "Mr. O'Neill?"
KRAMER: "Yeah, uh, look, you don't know me."
O'NEILL: "I can give you an autograph, but my pen's kind of screwed up and you'd probably only get like half a "P" or something."
KRAMER: "No, it's uh, not that see,. It's about a little boy in a hospital. I was wondering if you could do something to lift his spirits."
O'NEILL: "Sure, I could help you there."
KRAMER: "Well I promised you would hit him two home runs today."
O'NEILL: "Say what?"
KRAMER: "You know. A couple of dingers."
O'NEILL: "You promised a kid in the hospital that I'D hit two home runs?"
KRAMER: "Yeah, what, no good?"
O'NEILL: "Yeah that's no good. It's terrible. You don't hit home runs like that. It's hard to hit home runs! And where the heck did you get two from?"
KRAMER: "Well, two is better than one."
O'NEILL: "That, that's ridiculous. I'm not a home run hitter!"
KRAMER: "Well, Babe Ruth did it."
O'NEILL: "He did not."
KRAMER: "Oh, so you're saying that Babe Ruth is a liar?"
O'NEILL: "I'm not calling him a liar but he wasn't stupid enough to promise two."
KRAMER: "Well, maybe I did overextend myself."
O'NEILL: "How the heck did you get in here anyway?"
Well I don’t see any pigmen. Look… human, human, human. Wait a minute!!! Oh,...– Jerry - Seinfeld “The Bris” (via wrennmusic)
I Like Policemen
Kramer: "I like cops. When I was little I wanted to be a policeman."
Cop: "Yeah, so why didn't you?"
Kramer: "Well I'm scared of being shot."
You go out with a guy one time, you ask him to go upstairs like you’re Mae...– Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld - The Label Maker)
He is Merry
Jerry: "Newman. He's going with Newman."
George: "How does Tim Whatley even know Newman?"
Jerry: "Newman's his mailman."
George: "Who goes to the Super Bowl with their mailman?!"
Jerry: "Who goes *anywhere* with Newman?!"
George: "Well, he's merry."
Jerry: "He is merry, I'll give him that."